Are you considering confronting the narcissist and wondering what to expect?
Many times people confront narcissists, believing that showing them how they are behaving and how hurtful can make a difference. You may think that they just don’t realize how they are behaving. Or maybe you’re just tired of it. You are fed up and you want to present the facts to the narcissist because you want him to know that you are behind him.
In general, confronting the narcissist goes one of two ways.
1 – They react with narcissistic rage and hurt
Be prepared, they’re going to do more than just write you off or walk away.
They’re going to make you pay for confronting them because you’ve pointed out flaws in their personality or character and they can’t handle that. So they’ll turn things around and make it seem your they are the reason they do the things they do and act the way they do.
This can include any number of things. They might try to blame you for their infidelities. They may try to blame you for the fact that they are so secretive about their electronics and say that you don’t trust them.
Typically, when you point out to the narcissist what you don’t like about their behavior, they take their gloves off. They understand that you are no longer falling for the facade of him. You are no longer falling for the grand illusion of him. And they will do things to make you pay for it.
They could persuade you that your you’re the one being narcissistic. You you’re the one behaving hurtfully, because narcissists always have to be the victim in their own stories. So even if you’ve done everything from top to bottom, you’ve given your all to the relationship, and you turn to them and say, “Hey, I’m noticing these things about your behavior and I’d like to talk about it.” about that I realized that you don’t tell the truth, or I realized that you said that you were going to stop this matter, but you still follow it. Or it feels like you’re trying to turn our kids against me.” These themes will incite narcissistic damage.
Those are things that typically happen in scenario one. But, it could also play out like this…
2 – They agree with everything you say and pretend they will try to do better
In this scenario, they’re going to say things to make it seem like they’re on the same page as you.
They might say, “Yes, you are right. I really need to take care of myself. I need to be clearer about what I’m doing.” They might even apologize for hurting your feelings.
Narcissists do apologize sometimes, but as you’ll discover, their apologies aren’t genuine because they always go back to what they were doing for which they apologized. It can be the same day or it can be several weeks, but they will always do it again. And even if you don’t catch them, you can be sure they’re doing it behind your back.
Will confronting the narcissist make them go away?
It may seem that way. Often times, narcissists are going to have someone get in their way; another source of supply, someone they’ve been grooming behind your back, or maybe not even behind your back. For example, I recently got a question from a woman who said, “My boyfriend told me that he took a random girl’s number just because they were friends. I’m trying to figure out what that means.”
If your partner is getting phone numbers from random people, that should be a big red flag. But this is often how triangulation begins. They’ll say things that seem pretty innocent, like, “I just met this girl today and I got her number so maybe we can be friends.” Unless you’ve met the person from school or college, you shouldn’t ask people for their phone numbers or take phone numbers from random people.
If you think you’re dealing with a narcissist, this means you’re definitely trying to groom that person to see if they’re going to pass the litmus test for a good narcissistic supply. This is how it usually starts so that when do confront them and then maybe they’ll leave, or your walk away, all it does is give the narcissist headroom to go ahead and groom that person, love bomb them, and hook that person so that when you confront them with their behaviors, they are likely to give you the silent treatment and go fix it. your new source of supply.
So when finally do decide to end the relationship, they can plunge into a new relationship with another person who is suddenly the love of their life. When this happens they are bombarding you to believe they have found their soulmate and true love, but they are also bombarding love and bombarding new supply.
I just want to be left alone
Confronting the narcissist in the hope that they’ll just walk away and say, “Oh, now you’re after me. I’m going to go ahead and walk away. Have a good life”, is usually a fantasy. It usually doesn’t happen that way. Narcissists have been known to come back 5, 10, and 20 years later. So even if you’ve convinced yourself that the narcissist will never come back, that he hates you to death, and that he doesn’t want to breathe the same air you breathe, don’t be surprised if he comes back on the scene. as if nothing happened and reversing any progress you’ve made.
That’s why I advocate No Contact so strongly, because you can’t just leave it up to the narcissist. Confronting the narcissist, wondering if he’s going to be gone forever, or maybe hoping he finds a new person to leave you alone: these are things many of us want, but usually don’t. We have to be the ones who set the limits, hold them and maintain them.
So if you were in a previous relationship with a narcissist and you’re surprised they communicated two years later, you might want to ask yourself what you were really expecting. Narcissists are known to recycle through the old supply, and even though it may seem like they are loving the new person, they know that eventually, the relationship will start to unravel around their ankles.
It is also important to remember that just because they contacted you after two years does not mean that they have reflected on how they treated you or that they have changed or made any kind of improvement. That’s not what narcissists do. Also, they don’t just reach out to you, but they also reach out to other people they had relationships with in the past. So there is nothing good or flattering about the narcissist trying again after the passage of time.
Should he take on the new offer?
Narcissists are very strategic. That is why there is no point in warning the new offer. Although most of us wish someone had warned us, we say so in hindsight. But in reality, we were being bombarded with love. We were hooked. We had no hope. If someone had come up to us and said, “Look, your new partner is a liar and a cheat. They are abusive”, most likely would have made them seem like the crazy people the narcissist said they were.
This is why I do not recommend approaching the new offer. Additionally, they may decide to file a restraining order against you and charge you with stalking and harassment. I have seen that happen. So when it comes to the new supply, even though it’s very sad and unfortunate, it’s best to let them have their own ride because they probably won’t believe you anyway.
It is also very common that when you confront a narcissist about his behaviors, his manipulations, his manipulation, his lies and his betrayals, he will try to change things and make it seem your They are narcissists. You They are the ones who abuse. Are the one who is manipulative
They may call you something else. They might say you’re borderline or bipolar… whatever they accuse you of is a disorder that’s usually associated with unstable behaviors. And this is often very effective in pushing his buttons, taunting him, and making him respond or react in a way that may cause him to act out of character. That’s why you see people saying respond, not react. Because when you feed into the narcissist drama, it often seems like the things they say about you are true. Therefore, it is important not to internalize the things they say or the things they do to try to get back at you.
When confronting the narcissist, they will react with a narcissistic wound or they may pretend to agree with the whole thing and give you the impression that they are trying to get better. This is often when they will agree to or suggest therapy. When they’ve played all their cards and have nothing else up their sleeves, that’s when they’re going to pretend they want to try to be a better partner, spouse, or friend.
If you confront the narcissist thinking that they will change their behavior or eventually go away and leave you alone, it is important to remember that it is you who must make sure that they leave you alone. And if they don’t, you have to be willing to take the necessary steps and precautions to try to make that happen.
You deserve more than manipulation and emotional abuse. You deserve the freedom to enjoy life and surround yourself with supportive people.
Recovery involves rewriting everything the narcissist has tried to make you believe. It requires rebuilding your identity or, in many cases, building an identity. for the first time. YYou need a narcissistic abuse recovery program that can help you avoid a relapse by learning about yourself, your habits, and your triggers.
The break-free program it may be the missing piece of the puzzle.
I know what you are going through and I am here to help you. More information about the course Y see what my students and neuroscience experts have to say about it.